The United States of Raihan

Tuesday, 30th August 2005

The greatest lesson my mother taught me, not at all by way of words, is forgiveness.

Her enduring patience, her unrelenting faith and her generous heart took the years of pain from her face and hid them somewhere where no one can really see where the last five decades went.

So when one looks at her now, with all her beauty and grace, the laughter in her eyes and the warmth in her smiles, they wonder how is it that she still looks like she could be my older sister instead of my battle-weary mother.

And one thinks it is with some anti-ageing dollop of goo or some serum of sustenance or some phenomenal beauty secret she keeps to herself. Of course, it is easier to believe it's a chemical reaction, especially if one knows the trials and tribulations my mother faced in her life from everyone she loved. Even her much-adored firstborn -me, kept her awake at night with her heart stacatto, as I raged through my pre-adult life with a rebellion that never ceased to show mercy to the woman who loved me enough to stand between me and someone wielding a heavy wooden object. By the way, that heavy wooden object did hit her where it was intended to hit me.

So, no, the radiance in my mother's face is not an anti-ageing secret. It does not exist in cream, chemical nor serum. Not even in a magic spell.

It was just forgiveness. The sheer power of it is a force so strong, you cannot even feel it so at first you think it does not really exist. Especially with so many hearts so hardened with anger, hate and revenge.

But it does.

And I will.

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To the person hell-bent on making life difficult for me,

I have other battles to fight now. I leave you with yours and it is yours alone, my dear. If you include my name, it is with the knowledge that I will have no say and no means to fight back for I'd rather let sleeping dogs lie. If you include stories of me, whether fact or fiction, it is with the knowledge that I will never know what you have said for I believe that ignorance, on my part, is bliss. If I lose friends or would-be-friends because of you and the things you said, it is then my knowledge that they were never good enough to be in the company I keep in the first place if they choose to share such prejudice.

I lose nothing should I lose this battle to you.

So, you win. Everything that you say you are and whatever you say I am, yah......okaylah. Gasaklah. Whatever greases your spoon.

You win, okay?

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On a lighter note, I will be in Singapore for at least a week and people in da blog, put your hands up! If you wanna chill wit me, put your hands up! If you wanna go party, put your hands up!

Okaylah..I'm not so much a party girl but a chill pill at Kaki 5@Arab Street would be perfection, no?

And Anna Martina, you better balik on the next flight home with me. I can fall asleep on your shoulder and air-liur basi all seven hours home.

Oh and my beautiful look-like-me-but-more-lawa-than-me cousin Soraya Salim (yes, BH's hottest reporter!!), I'm coming to your nikah AND your wedding AND I will probably bawl my eyes out when the girl whose Barbie shoes I stole gets married and all grow-ed up. Because of you, I had lovely childhood holidays at the Alexandra fire station staff quarters. Because of you, I could imagine being part of a huge family. Because of you, I never really got lazy with my studies coz you were there like a big fat perfect report book above my head, taunting me with all your A's.

Now you kahwin-ing also and the old fire station is now gone and I did get lazy for a bit but I still adore you,babe.

I will see you soon.

Have a smashing hen night at the Fullerton Hotel!!

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Enough. I go sleep now. Moronic prose beginning indicating brain slow down. Right about now.