My Heart-Shaped Box

Friday 18th April 2008






A boxful of memories, this is.


What you see here, all nicely packed in a shoe-box for me to take to class yesterday are the parting gifts I gave to every one of my batchmates at the end of our last class together; copies of a perfect picture I took of us after training one day, taken on one of those days that I thought everyone looked really good. Framed and attached with a little yellow note, each with a different quote that described each individual very well. This box represents a little of what I'm feeling right now. A little bit of premature nostalgia, a dash of occasional retrospect and a huge dollop of very very sad! And I don't recall being this emotional at my RedHat graduation in 2004!

This time, this graduation I'm a wreck. And now, I'm a wreck with dilated pupils because it doesn't help that, having slept for six (six!?) hours since I got back home at 6pm yesterday evening, I am up and about now like a pink bunny on batteries at 3am while my husband's flat out, snoring. Member's got a 9am class later and he was up the whole time I was asleep so his batteries need recharging.

Back to my emotional self.

So yesterday's the actual absolute last day of training. Yes, the graduation per se was on the 15th, as I've shamelessly declared previously. But we had to attend another two days of classes, where they sort of summed up everything that we've learnt, good and proper. And then, later tonight, half of my batch will be reporting for our first solo with the other half reporting tomorrow for theirs.

And so our flying lives have begun.

For the first time ever, I'm actually sad a form of classroom learning has ended. And I'm not one for The Classroom and The Learning, I tell you that. And I remember how eager my batchmates and I were for training to end, when we first started in December 2007. We proclaimed frustration, contempt, boredom and whatnots and looked on in envy at the batches graduating back then. I'd really like to choke back on my words now. Bah!

I was discussing this with Azim earlier while he was preparing for bed and I was just..errr...about to get up and get out of bed (suddenly macam tukar shift pulak eh?!). I was lamenting to him how I bawled like a baby as soon as the class ended yesterday. The other girls were also opening their floodgates and within minutes, we were quite a sight to behold while we merengek, whined and weeped our blue eyeshadow off. The guys in the class did the appropriate "dude" thing and patted each other on the back, expressing thanks and best wishes with straight faces and sober smiles. Not for long though. They finally caved and let out a little bit of emo too. See, when someone comes over to you for a teary hug, what's a dude to do? Huglah! Especially when you're a guy and a girl wants to hug, you hug! No questions asked! Snotty, blotchy faces shiny with hingus notwithstanding. Get to hug girl, all guys like. :P

Anyway, Azim and I whittled this behaviour down to the very fact that here, we all had four full months with each other. In Emirates, we had one. One very packed and pressurized month of nothing but training, exams and preps. Even our training flights (all two turnarounds of them!) were after our graduation and NOT with a fellow batchmate. So we didn't get a chance to get to know one another that well during training. And even if we did (which we did eventually!), we could still easily see each other whenever we wanted to. All of us stayed on the same road (Sheikh Zayed Road), in the same building (21st Century Tower!), on the same floor (17th!). Like it or not, we were neighbours as well as colleagues. Heck, I lived in the same apartment as my batchmate! It's no wonder I hardly felt like a proper working adult when I was staying there, it felt more like hostel life than anything else!

It was only when I moved out and lived on my own, outside company-provided accomodation with my husband (coz that's the rule; get married MUST move out!), did I feel like a real adult with proper bills like transport, electricity, gas and water charges to worry about and not just food, clubbing, credit card and phone bills. Dah besar anak Ruslan! Only then did I realize for sure I was such a kid in 21st Century and so was everyone else. I still remember Michael (who left Emirates a few months before I did), one of the Australians in my batch, doing that thing where you run down the hall, ring everyone's doorbell and then hide. He'd do that once a week and at the most ungodly hour of the day. And he's my age. Tsk tsk tsk. It was a good thing he was a good friend, a great guy and a terrific cook. His saving graces were significant enough for me not to skin his pink Aussie ass alive and make a Birkin out of it.

But my point is, in Emirates, though we didn't get a chance to be proper friends during training, we all managed to foster real relationships post-training. I mean, how difficult is it to drag your weary, slippered feet across the corridor, from apartment 1707 to apartment 1710, even after a super-full Cairo turnaround on minimum crew complement? Azim and I could do it with our eyes closed, especially when Micheal's doing his steaks, Aurelie (who was one of the first few from our batch to leave!) bakes her authentic French quiches, Marianne (though not my batchmate but she lived next door but left after just a year in Emirates!) and her purrfect pasta or when anyone else on, below or above the floor or anywhere within the building work their masterpieces. Like Rainy (who has since left also but solely to have a baby!) and her fabulous Nasi Lemak! I just noticed that the people I mentioned here have a special finesse with food and have already left Emirates. Did you notice that? Weird. Such a funny time to think about food. It's either I'm really hungry or I'm getting my period so I get weird thoughts of food and..err....everything else. And I digress.

Anyway, now, the three Koreans and I are in Simei, Nisha's in AngMoKio, Hui Tze is Miss Tanjong Pagar, Mel and Richmond stay in Bishan (no, not with each other!), Bhup and Carose are rental residents of Pasir Ris, Kart's far far away in Teck Whye with Ivan in ChoaChuKang, Niz in Woodlands......you get the idea! We might as well stay in different countries! Coupled with the fact that we will be going to different countries, at different times, reality bites that the past four months will never happen again and it will take quite a bit of effort for us to meet up often, if at all. So farewell for good all those quick tea breaks, long lunches, gossip gatherings and gripe sessions. Farewell daily 8.45am report times, 5.15pm goodbyes and sometimes, 7pm dinners. Farewell energetic graduation practices, heated invitation arguments and all the various picture-taking times we had to collect pictures both for our graduation's picture montage presentation and personal perusal. Farewell short-term student life, hello real-time adult life. Boo hoo hoo!

So yeah, I was a right ol' baby yesterday, with leaky eyes and a runny nose. And if I really think about it now, I'd keel over and cry. Perhaps that's why I'm up now, typing this out furiously, channelling all that emo mojo out so I won't bring it over on my flight tonight and bawl in the middle of the aisle, in the midst of service. But if I do, I can't help it. I know what I've got, I'm lucky to be in this batch with these people. I think my batch is one-of-a-kind and I might be wrong but I don't care. Sure, there were conflicts. Sure, friction occurred here and there. Sure, some people didn't like some people. But we still stuck by each other and gave other support despite whatever happened or might be happening because as much as we are in this for ourselves, we want to be in this for ourselves with everybody else from the beginning till the end. For example, I can swear by the fact that at the beginning, no one liked a certain someone but in the end, we wrapped it all up with nothing but respect, admiration and empathy for this certain remarkable individual.

And then some. When I say that I mean, ada ajelah orang-orang tertentu yang buat perangai. But we put all that aside. We preferred to get along. It's especially extraordinary for me because I actually have a very low threshold of tolerance for people I just met or just got to know who step on my head, my toes, my face or any of my body parts.

Regardless of it all, I know all the emotions I'm letting out are not for nothing. The past four months have been fabulous with people I don't mind doing everything with again. I left the classroom today with a heavy heart. And I knew I wasn't the only one.

Batch 942, I'll miss you. As I said on that little yellow note, thanks for the memories!

PS: Graduation story next. Now cannot; too sleepy, too emo, too gone! Need to hug sleeping husband and recharge self. Ta-ta!