Lonely Disease

Tuesday, 24th May 2005

Sleeping alone is now a newfound disease.

Symptoms include staring half-demented at empty space beside one's own space before one falls asleep, waking up at night to instinctively reach out for one's warm husband only to find throw-cushion pile and waking up in the morning with one's own arms and legs spreadeagled and all bedclothes thrown unto the floor, as lonely subconscious mind takes over unconcious body to conquer empty bed.

In extreme cases, when one's husband returns after a long flight, one's own mind is still conditioned to conquer whole bed and will cause one to experience kicking spasms at night that might land one's own foot or knee in husband's sensitive area or worse, push husband off bed. Occasionally, one will wake up at night and gasp momentarily in terror as one's groggy mind slowly processes big,curly-haired stranger snoring beside one to be one's own darling husband, who just returned from a ten-day Melbourne/Auckland flight.

An exhaustive diagnosis is impossible. Remedied solutions are intangible. Best advice is to tell one's husband:-

"Come back home soon, honey!"

Or pad husband up before going to bed in the first 24 hours immediately after husband's return from long flight.

I'll try to have a good night now.

Good night!