I know I'll never truly realize in essence who I am exactly. I think nobody will. We're our own complicated creatures. Simple descriptives like pretty, ugly, kind, caring, selfish, asshole, bastard, jerk, gay, lovely do not do enough justice. They're just what's on the label. What's really inside the bottle, you can never ever really know. That's why most of the time, we analyze other people instead. Though not thoroughly accurate, it's easier to define the shape when you're outside the circle. That's why we bitch, that's why we gossip, that's why we have lawyers, that's why we have friends. My friends are who they are to me when they are with me. Me, likewise. But like Evolution Express, we adapt ourselves to different situations in the blink of an eye. Some people I know can do that as-you-please which can make them appear rather hypocritical but as my friends, they are absolute sweethearts. That chameleon thing? Simply survival skills. But ask someone what he/she really really think of him/herself, he/she can give you a hot-shot answer then and there to shut you up.

Then Hot-Shot goes home, stares mootly at in the mirror and the answer becomes an unfinished million-word term paper.

Let's see....since I think I cannot really define who I am exactly without knowing I'll change the answer later, how do I self-assign in this life? No apologies but it's by the company I keep. Despite friction, fractures and fuck-ups, there are still people in my life who I would deem worthy of my time.Maybe the thing about me is that I am forgiving and I give people many second chances but since everything has a limit, Nice Raihan cannot be nice for too long. So if you're still my friend after you know you've stepped on my toes a million times, then thumbs up. I really like you.

Not like I'm so baik myself. I've been a mean ol' bitch myself plenty of times. I've slapped a girl clean across the face before (in Primary 6!!). I've stolen someone else's boyfriend before (not Azim though!). I've dropped plenty a mean remark to other people with the intention to hurt before. I've made my mother cry before. But so far, I have no hang-ups about myself or other people. The people I want to speak to, pick up their phones when I dial them, help me when I holler and come when I call. And they voluntarily involve me in their lives and some love me. And those who don't as much, as long as they speak no ill of me recurringly, I know we're okay. Not BFF. But okay. We'll say hi on the street, I'll invite you to my wedding (coz it's gonna be a big fat event still!) but I'll think twice about jumping in to save you from drowning. Heh.