I Think Therefore I Am (Sleepless!)

Friday 2nd November 2007

It's nearly five and I'm wide awake, with a half-a-mind to do a full-on blog post about...well, about everything.

But it's nearly five and I'm exhuasted enough to have nothing in my head to blog about, though there are so many things I'm thinking about.

So I'll ramble my thoughts at random, whatever surfaces gets typed. Went to sleep at 11pm last night. Jolted out of my dreamless state at 2am, thanks to Hetty's text message bleeping through mercilessly. Obviously someone's sleepless in KL. Heh. Unable to go back to sleep since then, what with Phatt purring like a motorboat on full-speed and Azim snoring like a motorboat on rocks. Also, with a head full of stuff to dissect, my mind's whirring like a motorboat as well.

So I shuffled to the study room in complete darkness, with Phatt slinking loyally by my ankles ( I woke him up when I woke up!), my mind still buzzing. Mostly thinking of our reno plans. Things are still not starting. And I suddenly decided that I wanted a bathtub, two days ago. I realized that I actually forgot how much I loved soaking in a tub full of sweet-smelling bubbles, back in Dubai and much earlier on, back in Gillman Heights, with a good book or a good movie till I'm as wrinkled as a raisin.

So it's a showdown now, between Azim and I. Bathtub with clawfeet (Victorian classic!) or shower enclosure with glass panels (Mod pod!). Oh the bloodbath! No, pun not intended. :P

No matter. Sooner or later, he will be reminded that he is be lovin' a good soakin' too sometimes and would withdraw his veto for the tub. And perhaps by then, as current progress (or lack thereof) has proved, I'd probably not want a bathtub anymore and would pitch an idea for something even crazier, like an outdoor shower on our balcony or something. See what madness my 5 am head can muster?

And then there are deep thoughts about our "project" and when we're going to go at it full-on, now that we've got the main things sorted out and all. We just need to actually start. Just start. How simple it doth sounds but I'm actually scared. I've never admitted this to anyone (and so what a clever thing it is for me to admit to the whole world now when I'm not thinking straight!!) but I'm scared. Honestly, we've thought about this for the LONGEST time (I swear, since 2004!!) but never really had the means nor the time to do it. And now, we do. And so, we will. Besides the availability of the means and the time, many other things are in our favour now. But I'm still scared. Of everything. Of success and failure. Of hits and misses. Of the good and the bad. But me, I've never been faltered by fear, I usually face it so I can get over it. It's very tiring to be so scared and so unsure. So, insyaAllah, I'll not let this particular cowardice overcome me now. I'll be brave, I gotta be brave! :S

Besides all that worldly worry, I'm also thinking of our coming November holiday away with good friends. Oh and with my sister, a little reward for her excellent exam results (Zihan, don't action humble, they were very good, considering your exam-period environment then!). It will be a holiday of firsts... first time to this destination, first time with friends (all our holidays so far were only with each other!), first time with Zihan but without Mummy and first time we're actually paying full-fare for our air tickets! So let it be a first-class holiday of firsts, then! Can't wait..CAN'T WAIT!

With thoughts of aircrafts and air travel, I'm also thinking of my dilemma of whether to resume my flying career (I'm already 26!!) or to begin to procreate (Again..I'm already 26!!). Let's not get into that yet, I can't afford to keep my eyes open till the sun comes up. I can't get my bodyclock all awry like that!

And I'm thinking about how fabulous yesterday night was with some galpals. I mean, two nights ago, Wednesday night. Eight girls, seven "actresses", two nights ago, one bride-to-be. It was just gilababz, can?! Heh. I'll talk about that later, with pictures. In the meantime, another Crescentian prepares herself to bite the kahwin dust! Farah, I'm looking forward to see you "menten-ing" on the pelamin come the 3rd, hor! Let's see how long you can hold the pelantin pose! History has shown that not many Crescent girls can dok diam-diam atas pelamin for longer than ten minutes....a fit of giggles/hand movements/motormouth/(pick your favourite un-pelantin action) will take over shortly!

Thinking of my KangooJumps and thinking of, perhaps a workout tomorrow. I mean, later. I need to resume my exercise regime. I was so disciplined and now I'm all dugong-like. I've been putting on weight steadily since we came back and I don't like how I feel.... all this softness cannot be good! It's all the food I've been missing that I've been stuffing. You know, wanton (oooh...wanton and shameless!!) noodles, kacang phool, fried fish noodle soup, yong tau foo, mee maggi goreng, murtabak ayam, prata cheese...the list is endless and sinful, I swear! That and the recent Hari Raya babatfest of red meat, red chicken and red drinks. Oh willpower of mine..where is you? I will you to return! I WILL YOU TO REAR YOUR UGLY DICTATOR HEAD!

And now, I'm thinking of my husband who's STILL sound asleep, two rooms away. He hardly stirred when I gently slid out from the crook of his arm and quietly wriggled out of bed. He's like that..when he's asleep, he's so flat out, our alarm clocks are virtually obsolete! It would take a ship's horn at full blast to get him up. And only half-awake, at best! I should really learn how to tidor-macam-kene-tembak-tranquilizer like that!

Anyway, now I think I'll go join him. The world will be waking up soon and I don't want to miss the collective morning breath now ,do I?

So, I think I'll stop now.

Good night morning!





PS: Sorry if I bored you..anyone...everyone with this no-direction post.

PPS: But If I bored you, you'd probably be lulled to sleep. Which is more than I can say for myself right now. So I'm not that sorry..at least you got to sleep!