Changing Rooms

Monday 14th May 2007

How quickly we made this decision, quicker still my life would change.

I know it's only for the best for us but I can't help feeling....unrequited. Unsettled. Uneasy. I can't help it. This is where I thrived. This is where I survived. This is where I lived. Lived to the very fullest I've ever lived. But this is also where I've been disappointed way more than I've been delighted. So much more and it is heartbreaking to know that as much as I've been like this, life has got to be like that. And some people have got filth in their hearts like that. And so much so that it makes me want to.....

leave.

Leave, leaving, left...not right. But feels so right. :)

Our recent trip away has only gone on to prove that we should do what we always want to do...before it's too late for us. We're still young, we've got the energy. InsyaAllah, we have and will always have the means. I know we've always wanted this but we feared change. I feared change. I cower in the face of change. I detest difference. I abhor alterations. Even this space in which I write, the white's been white for the longest time. The words flow, different pictures show but the background's been the same. I might have the evils of the world in my being but I've never wanted to change the world. I might be oh so bad..but hey, good girls to go heaven, bad girls go everywhere...and I've been everywhere. As bad as that sounds, it was as good as it felt. Heh. So before this whole thing gets bad,we'll be making our sweeping sayonara. And I'm only saying before this gets bad, not worse, because it's not even bad now as it's still all pretty much a comfortable little thing we have. Comfortable, comforting, comfort zone. Comfort zone spells complancence. And that deteriorates to personal corruption. And that, I don't need. We don't need. Here we are then but there we go. We're moving on the next step, going up to the next stage. And leaving this stage behind, as much fun as it was.

That new and exciting space behind Comfort Zone, that little bit of our lives we have yet to see but we're about to see.

Here. We. Come.



PS: As for you, I'm leaving you behind, my darling. For good. Forever. For you, might bring me down even as you make me feel so high up. So may your life be how you really want it to be. And you, I will always remember and I will forever love. But I will never have. :) Though I might have had for a little beautiful while.