Turning Twelve

Wednesday 4th May 2005

I have so much to say in response and in retaliation. My rebukes are part of a normal human being's knee-jerk reaction. As I indignantly want to protect what is mine. My blog, my rights, my husband, my sanctity, my own bloody business and my dear dear friends.

But today and for this post, I'll just go retro.

Twelve years retro.

It was year 1993 and I was twelve and I was preparing for my PSLE. The biggest initiation of my life thus far. My only ticket to my dream school. And yet, I was excited about something else. Something that happened quite by accident.

My mom, who planned to only have Imran and I as her offspring configuration, was pregnant and was due to give birth sometime in 1993.

With my huge black plastic glasses (that looked like you could receive cable and TV channels on them), my nose bigger than my face (the nose does grow faster than the rest of the face!) and my ears pointy enough to suggest Bozo's nightmare, you could see me forever prancing around my mother and her tummy, feeling the baby kick, feeling my mom's irritation and feeling my dad's wrath at bothering my mom. I didn't care, my eyes were filled with adoration for my dearest mother for giving me another sibling to bully. Heh. Well, actually for giving me another sibling so that I am not stuck with Imran only for the rest of my family life. (Kidding, Adik, just kidding!!)

And so, on the 4th of May 1993, my baby sister came out, by way of the Caesarian. My first memory of the whole thing, upon reaching Mount Elizabeth Hospital, was being greeted by my unconcious mother being wheeled to her bed with a large pool of dried blood on the carpet of the doorway to my mom's suite. I tried to run after the wheeling posse but my nenek held me back.

I missed the birth but my sister was already out, kept in that viewing place where the big window gives a perfect eye's vantage to all the babies, wrapped up like shawarma. Where we all can, like viewing fishes in a huge aquarium, ogle and coo at the itty-bitty babies.

And there I saw, my baby sister, who turned her head to face me, at that precise moment, as though she knew her Kakak was there, to see her for the first time.

Hello.

Nurzihan Binte Ruslan. Born 4th May 1993.

Who looked like a nice combo of my mom and dad, and a tinge of my nenek. With such fair skin and light brown hair, everyone asked my mom what she took when she was pregnant with my sister coz both Imran and I were born fair too, but kuning langsat fair and our hair was black, very coal-black hair. Zihan was whitey mat-salleh fair and her hair, though fine, was a distinctive light brown, which got darker as she grew older. My mom really didn't take any real pregnancy-special stuff, besides the cravings she had but she did take copious amounts of air zamzam and tomato juice. I guess that might be it. It was a good thing that my Arab relatives from Saudi at that time sent over a few bottled gallons of air zamzam as my mom drank a lot!!

Now, Nurzihan Binte Ruslan aka Jehan aka Toegs (don't ask me why) turns twelve herself today and is showing signs of puberty (itty bitty booblets, little crushes on that Fillipino boy in her school and a little bit of maturity). For a lot of things that she is,I really admire my baby sister for a few very significant things.

For still having a lively and sunny disposition and still living every minute of her life with such infectious joy and wonder despite going through watching my father fall terribly ill and finally pass-on, leaving her as anak yatim. For still adoring my father to his last days even though she knows the bad problems my parents were having and the things my father did to us. For still adoring my brother and I although we tend to bully her sometimes and tease her silly. And for still adoring my mother unconditionally, so that my mother has the faith and strength within herself as she realizes that she is doing a good job, to carry on as she undertakes this ardous yet joyous task of bringing her youngest daughter up alone, without my father.

So, Jehan, adik kakak...









Have a good time growing up, amaze us with your achievements and stay beautiful and happy always, always, ALWAYS. For each person who is not there for you, I will try and take up each empty place always, always, ALWAYS. Oh and study super hard for PSLE. Remember your vow to beat both the PSLE scores of Abang and I? Just do it.

Happy 12th Birthday, de-Toegs.

All the way from Dubz, Azim and I love you very very much and miss you very very much.

PS:Yes, my baby sister reads my blog too. She is a big fan. But then again, its the sisterhood loyalty above everything else. Heh.