Marrying with Money...please?

My cup runneth over. My wedding teacup, that is.

I think I'm going on a wedding overkill and dishing out a wedding overload. I apologize in advanced. It must get quite nauseating to recurringly read about me and my wedding planning. It's a little like banging your head against the wall and smiling in the midst of the black spots and pain. Ouchies.

I guess I did not expect it to overwhelm me. I guess I expected it to be like planning my 21st birthday poolside bash. I guess I'm very wrong.

I didn't expect our whole wedding to really happen this year. I merely expected a solemnization in April 2005 and a reception in April 2006, once everything settles. Azim and I planned to move out of our apartments after our solemnization this year and move into our own home. We could combine our housing allowance from Emirates and the tally allows us to put in the downpayment for a villa and still have a substantial left over. The left over was to ease in the payments for Azim's pilot licence and for my degree studies. Then when we get 2006's housing allowance, we can have our wedding reception to our hearts' content. Hopefully, by then, I had hoped that my father would be well enough to attend my wedding, despite my feelings against him. Despite it all, I wanted both my parents at my wedding. That was the plan we structured in 2004. Financial planning, family planning...kickass careful planning.

It's now 2005 and it's all out the window

My father left us for good. I just dreamt about him yesterday but he's still not coming ot my wedding. My mother is no longer keen on having a one year space from the solemnization to the reception. She wants me to have it all in one go. She is suddenly a keen advocator of how precious time is. She also rationalized with me that the significance and the radiance of my wedding day would not be so palpable if I were to have the reception so long after the real McCoy. Slowly, I swayed and now, I have obviously agreed with her.

Though part of my degree fees for Semester 1 have been paid for in two installments last year, I'm deferring the course commencement till further notice. That is not the only knowledge-seeking thing I have put on hold. I even had my Arabic language courses (partially paid for by Emirates) and my very affordable horse-riding lessons (ONLY 50 dirhams -SG$25- a day!!) put on pause too. So it's not only the money factor that inhibits my desires, it's the time and my sanity. Even though I so want to speak Arabic fluently (Arabic speakers in Emirates get more pay!) and I have ALWAYS wanted to learn how to ride a horse and get over my fear of fast animals (my secret fantasy is to be a jockey!). But for the time being, khalas. Halal first.

Let's not get into Azim's own dreams of actual flying being put on hold too. After going through the approval obstacles of getting the right to learn how to fly a plane, he gallantly stepped down from his cockpit dreams temporarily. For him, it is the money factor only. My hero can handle anything, his sanity won't break but he wants to have the cash on hand for our wedding. Why is it such a big deal? Well, flying lessons cost around 650 dirhams (SG$325) per hour. Yeap. And flying lessons need many, many hours to get just ONE measly stripe on the lapel so that one day you can finally get four stripes when you are forty or fifty and earn the Captain's hat. And like Singapore Airlines, Emirates does not take in expatriate cadet pilots, only local nationals. So he is on this pilot thing on his own, by his own initiative, fueled by his own dreams and paid for by his own pocket. But not yet, coz Raihan wanted her snazzy wedding. Big fat old selfish me. Shucks.

Which is weird. Weddings can still cost a hefty load even though I will not be catering food for a thousand Malay makciks (a.k.a unknown distant relatives and their extended families!) , I will not have the reception in a huge sweaty community center "hall" and pay $10k for actually using three badminton courts and a stage, I will not have a bawah block wedding (pasal Gillman Heights takde bawah block!) then pay for much-needed decoration to make concrete look festive and I will not be all dolled up to wait in line to nikah at ROMM, pay for transport to bring and waste everybody's time while the earlier couple gets their solemnization done and I do not and will not want to parade around my wedding with my ass heavy and my armpits wet with baju songket beraneka pesyen, my head heavy with massive sanggul and weird fake-gold ornaments and my nails, hands and fingers stained with inai (which is an Indian tradition, actually!) and Azim hates the look of baju kurung songket on guys, he doesn't want any tanjaks on his head coz he thinks it just looks weird and he wants to have his wedding tux tailormade so he is be able to keep it (also coz his cute ass is as bulat as JLo's and no other off-the-rack tux can fit it!!). So the cost of weird wedding garb and rented wedding clothes from bridal shops is eliminated yet I see cash flowing in other directions I did not forsee.

So I might not have a typical Melayu wedding and some people might turn up their noses and scorn at my "lack of respect" for my race. But not having the conventional does not make me less Malay. I am as Malay as anyone can get and I am proud of it. It's just that I don't agree with what is claimed to be "traditional" since it is now such a subjective term in this modern world. I'd bet no one even really knows what traditional and conventional really means now.

Like wearing your wedding ring on the ring finger on your left hand. What tradition is that? Western? Christian? Mormon? Why does everyone follow blindly without knowing why? Factually, the practice dates back to ancient Egypt where they believed that that left fourth finger has a vein that is linked directly to the heart. Thus the wedding ring finger. If we then follow that ring tradition,why not get married the Egyptian way then? And henna on the fingers. That traces back to Indian wedding customs. Then why not a full-fledged Indian wedding, complete with nose piercings and such. It's all a conurcopia of worldwide wedding customs and you just can't put a finger on it. The way I see it, it's my day and I want it my way. And so my wedding is not so much a Malay wedding. It's a Raihan's wedding. Oh okay...Raihan and Azim. Heh. The bride always forgets the groom in the whole headrush. Sorry, Honey.

And so with all due respect, I salute people who pay and plan for their weddings themselves with their own money and with their own imagination. Like Izrina and Firhad, who are starting to save for their own wedding. When I had a wedding talk with her, she told me how she intended to do it and Firhad has convinced his mom not to ask them for a typical Melayu wedding too. My kinda wedding. Kudos. And Like Kartina a.k.a Trina. When she came to Dubai and told me tales of her own wedding preps, I was in awe. And then inspired.She told me she was proud of herself for paying for her own wedding, without any financial help from her parents. I say, she has one heck of a right to be proud. It's a self-fulfillment. Kudos. Like my cousin Shirin, who had a combined wedding in the Shangri-La Rasa Sentosa Grand Ballroom. Combined? Yeah, her husband and her, instead of having two bawah block weddings and two sets of relatives and the bother of going from one venue to another, had it all in one place in the huge ballroom. It was beautiful and blissful and I was a green little 17-year-old who swore to myself I'd have it like that when my time comes. Excellent planning, Kak Shirin. Kudos.

And so I promise this is the last lengthy wedding entry. I will still wax a little here and there about the wedding so that people will know when exactly I turned insane or start banging their own heads. As for today, Azim is in Jordan and I will be on my own. Maybe I'll see if I can drag Anna, Rainy, Dayang or any of my Dubai galpals out to go wedding shopping with me.

But then again, I don't want them to start banging their heads.

Oh and Nurul Asy, my mysterious-blog-visitor-now-exposed, I stole this from your Friendster. The Malay Babes of Crescent Girls' School Malay Class of 1994-1997. Click on it to see a bigger picture. I love ALL of you guys. I miss all of you guys. All will be at my wedding, no?! I wonder why Izrina is not in this picture. She was the loudest one of us. Oh..guess which slenger is me?! Hint: I was a hell lot darker (hockey & track!!) and my hair was a hell lot.....sadder.


Yes, you can laugh after you've spotted me.