Raihan and Ramadhan

First day of Ramadhan 2003:
Minutes before azan Maghrib, I helped my maid set the table, made sure my sister's not sneaking a bergedel before due time and laid out the dates strategically on the table, whilst waiting for the call to prayer to resound and the iftar to commence.

Seconds before azan Maghrib, the table is full, my brother came down from his room in haste, my sister got her hands smacked, my mother rearranged some dishes, my nenek looked on approvingly and I stared blankly at the ticking clock, blithely unaware of my family settling in. Aimless family banter ensues around me, whilst waiting for the call to prayer to resound and the iftar to commence.

Azan Maghrib blares assuringly from the radio. Iftar has begun. Alhamdullilah, we have successfully completed the first day of Ramadhan with much ease, within the heart and the home.

First day of Ramadhan 2004:
Minutes before azan Maghrib, I boiled water for my green tea. I unwrapped my beef pastrami sandwich and laid out my vegetable pasta, whilst waiting for the call to prayer to resound and the iftar to commence.

Seconds before azan Maghrib, after everything is ready, I sat by the window, in the plush sofa and stared blankly out at the sun setting, whilst waiting for the call to prayer to resound and the iftar to commence.

Azan Maghrib came in the form of a phonecall from my Purser from her hotel room. Iftar has begun. Alhamdullilah, I have completed the first day of Ramadhan, alone. Within the walls of my hotel room in Accra, Ghana. Without my family around me. Without even my Azim. How heavy my heart was.

Never would I imagine spending my first day of fasting in Africa. Lovely as the hotel was, I could have been there some other time but not now. But I was, by myself. Wishing I was with the people I love. Wishing I didn't have to be in Accra, Azim not in Vienna and my family not in Singapore. At least, not seperated a million miles away.

But saving grace comes in the form of Azim and I, finally getting to fast and iftar together in a few days after I return from London and he from Vienna. InsyaAllah.

And saving grace also comes in the form of us flying back to Singapore, on the last week of Ramadhan for the first two weeks of Eid al'Fitr or Aidilfitri, to be with the parts of our heart that are in Singapore. InsyaAllah.

So I am thankful, nonetheless. For all the joy living in Dubai has brought me, I seek solace in this one erroneous factor of distance, longing and loneliness, for it is not for long.

So have a Ramadhan Mubarak everyone. Spend it with those whom you love, who love you back, whom you are trying to find reasons to love or even those whom you don't love very much, if at all.

Selamat Berpuasa.